Dominant (“Dom”): a person who takes the role of giver or controller in such acts as bondage, discipline or servitude more broadly, it refers to a preference for control during all (or most) sexual activities.Submissive (“Sub”): a person who takes the role of taker or controlled in such acts as bondage, discipline or servitude more broadly, it refers to a preference for surrender during all (or most) sexual activities.Regardless of the specifics, the source of sexual arousal in the B&D dynamic is the exchange of a control flow amongst the different partners. This is typically a sophisticated exchange which happens at a slow pace, prolonged in time, and can involve precise fetish dress codes (latex, leather, suits, etc), props (whips, ropes, bed restraints, etc) and locations (dungeons, fetish clubs, etc).Įxamples are impact play (spanking, flogging, caning, etc.), rope play (shibari, suspension, etc), collaring, wax play. Sexual polarity plays a dramatic role in Bondage and Dominance, where – through the use of physical force, language, psychology, devices/toys and techniques – consenting partners engage in a form of coercion over one another. Sexual attraction would simply not be possible without them.īelow, we explore some of the most common incarnations of the two sexual polarities and how they produce different power dynamics.
With the possible sole exception of asexual individuals, these polarity traits are presents in all of us, whether we are aware of it or not. You have to animate the ‘masculine’ and the ‘feminine’ differences if you want to play in the field of sexual passion.” If you want real passion you need a ravisher and a ravishee, otherwise you just have two buddies who rub genitals in bed….The love may still be strong, the friendship may still be strong, but the sexual polarity fades unless in moments of intimacy one partner is willing to play the ‘masculine’ pole and one partner is willing to play the ‘feminine’. It is this force of attraction that is the dynamism that often disappears in the modern relationship. “Sexual attraction is based upon sexual polarity, which is the force of passion that arcs between the ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ poles thus creating the flow of sexual feeling. There is, however, one characteristic that is universal to all sexual interactions and that in fact is a prerequisite for the sexual interaction to even take place: a power exchange.ĭavid Deida described it brilliantly in his book on spiritual and sexual growth, “ Way of the Superior Man“: Each one of us is attracted to a multitude of traits, based on our gender identity, sexual orientation, genetic predisposition and personal history. As we all experience sooner or later, the origin of sexual attraction amongst humans cannot be pinned down to any one factor.
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